Well I am back, sorry i missed a few days, but life got very hectic. Today my topic is Friends and what constitutes as a friend. Over the last 5 months I have really thought about "friend" as a word, label, and what I see in people.
According to my favorite source, Wikipedia, a friend is someone that we value based on
- tendency to desire what is best for the other
- sympathy and empathy
- honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth
- Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
- enjoyment of each other's company
- trust in one another
- positive reciprocity- a relationship is based on equal give and take
- the ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement
Based on this definition how many people do we call friends that meet all the standards? True friends are very hard to find. My grandpa once told me that if I could make 5 true friends while I lived, then I was a lucky person. In my life I have found that I have very few. The term "Friend" is used very loosely. We pretty much call every person we meet a "friend."
It is hard to find True friends that have no ulterior motive for hanging out with you. It is hard to find selfless people who just want to improve your life. Once you find these true friends, you shouldn't let go. That doesn't mean that "True Friends" don't ever make mistakes either. Everyone is guilty of not being the best of a friend that you could be. No person is perfect, which means we can't hold our friends to that standard. How would you feel if someone decided they were no longer going to be friends with you because you had an off day and couldn't be the best friend? Did your opinions of that person change at all? Would you have still done anything for them? I think everyone deserves to be forgiven, even if it is their 100th mistake. We are all human, and yes we control our actions, but most of the time you aren't thinking about the effects of your actions before you do them.
It is hard to forgive friends because you hold them to a higher standard. You expect them to not make mistakes, or to be perfect when it comes to your friendship. However, if we step back and look at our friends when they make mistakes and think about why they may have done whatever it is they did, most times you find that you were not the target. William Blake once said, "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." This is true, but if you were really their friend in the first place, you would want to forgive. If you were being a true friend, you would see that their intentions were good, but their actions may have been wrong.
Why do we need friends? Studies have shown that people who have friends and do not live in isolation, live longer. So friends improve our length of life. On a more emotional level, friends tend to be cheaper than therapy. By having good friends you can talk through whatever life throws at you, and you may find yourself getting through much easier. Friends help you to learn to function in society because they teach you social skills and what is acceptable. Friends are also a good way to keep yourself from being lonely. There is a time to be alone and reflect on your own, but there is also a time where you just want to have company. Friends can help us to be more confident, and they can also help us to be better people.
Everybody needs friends. In order to have GOOD friends, you need to learn to be a good friend first. It takes time to develop a friendship. It also takes love and patience. If you show that you care and love people, they will show you it in return. If you find a "True Friend," don't let them go. Show your love by being there when they are in need. Show your love by being able to have fun and enjoy each other. Treat them with respect, and let them know that you accept them no matter what. You don't walk in their shoes, so until you do don't judge them. You only know what they tell you, and sometimes they may not want to tell you, so just be loving and kind. Lend a an ear when they want to talk, and don't be afraid to talk to them. Friendship goes 2 ways and once one person slacks off, the whole friendship may die.
"A true friend unbosoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably." ~William Penn
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